It sounds like a good idea for a loving couple to rent an apartment or a house and move in together. The idea is to ‘test drive’ and make each other feel familiar with the habits and routines of the other person. Also to find out whether we like how the other person acts when living together. Although living together before marriage is still a taboo idea in Indonesia, a lot of people, especially young people these days, had a fleeting thought and desire to live together with their romantic partner (Huang et al., 2011). So, is it actually a good idea to move in? What could go wrong, right? 

I’m going to give you a little summary of what Rowland S. Miller has to say in his 7th edition Intimate Relationships book. This book is published by McGraw-Hill Education, New York and I personally think this is a fascinating book you should read. Disclaimer: Not sponsored.

Quoting from the book, when people do not already have firm plans to marry, cohabitation does not make it more likely that a subsequent marriage (if one occurs) will be successful; instead, such cohabitation increase a couple’s risk that they will later divorce (Jose et al., 2010). This is absolutely contrary to what the general public believes! 

The book list several reasons for this. On average, couples who cohabit are less committed to each other than are those who marry because they are keeping their options open – so they encounter more problems and uncertainties than married people do. They experience more conflict (Stanley et al., 2010), jealousy (Gatzeva & Paik, 2011), infidelity (Thornton et al., 2007), and physical aggression (Urquia et al., 2013), so cohabitation is more tumultuous and volatile than marriage usually is. As a result, the longer people cohabit, the less enthusiastic about marriage-and more accepting of divorce-they become. This is why, compared to 1960, fewer people get married and fewer marriages last.

So, if you and your partner have no plans whatsoever to marry, then cohabitation is not a good idea for your relationship. You’d be less likely to marry and add more problems with your partner instead. However, if you are planning on getting married to your partner, cohabitation wouldn’t be such a bad idea! Turns out couples who are engaged to marry when they move in together, typically do not suffer the same ill effects (Manning & Cohen, 2012), particularly when they agree that they’ll be married within 1 year (Willoughby et al., 2012).

So, the conclusion is don’t move in with your partner if you guys aren’t planning on getting married. Even though it sounds tempting and fun, it will ultimately destroy your idea of marriage so that you’d want to stay single forever (research said this, not me). Even if you do get married, such cohabitation increases your risk of divorce.